Conquering the Gauls

Conquering the Gauls

Image courtesy of Pixabay.

From Puck Curtis by way of Michael J. Walsh, via Facebook.

Two Roman commanders were tasked with conquering the Gauls.

One of them, Marcus Maximus, has vigorously trained his fighting men to within an inch of their lives. He thinks he is ready for any eventuality.

The other, more senior commander, goes by Brutus Quintus. He also has highly trained men under his command but he never goes anywhere without a unit of half-naked northern men painted blue. They are, in fact, a group of Pictish barbarians.

On the morning of the battle Marcus Maximus charges forward and destroys the Gauls almost immediately. It is total supremacy on the battlefield and Brutus Quintus just watches it all happen silently without committing a single soldier to the battle.

The following morning the army awakes and there, through some sorcery, is the Gaul army untouched and waiting again for battle. Again Marcus Maximus leads his troops into the fight and wipes out the Gauls only to awaken the next morning to find them magically waiting again.

Five days running Marcus defeats the Gauls and yet each morning his victory is undone by the magics of the Gauls.

Finally on the sixth day Brutus Quintus lines up his troops with his Pictish barbarians in the vanguard. They charge into the Gauls wiping them out. The next morning Marcus Maximus awakens ready to taunt Brutus for his failure but there on the field of battle is all the evidence of the defeated Gauls. Somehow, Brutus Quintus has defeated the Gauls and their magic.

Marcus Maximus looks to Brutus Quintus and asks him, “How did you undo these magics?”

Brutus Quintus calmly replies, “Simple, Marcus. You must understand that you need Picts or it didn’t happen.”

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Video: Crossing the Chasm

My newest video, “Crossing the Chasm,” is now available online. It’s a bent and twisted fable, with a certain amount of humor. It was recorded on January 30, 2013 at a restaurant (Bertucci’s, if you’re that curious). Here’s the official description:

Crossing the Chasm: A mighty warrior on a treasure-seeking quest encounters an unexpected ordeal in which his physical skills, weapons and magical artifacts are useless. What, then, is a warrior to do?

Please let me know what you think of the video. I had a lot of fun writing, and then performing, this humorous fable.

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The Hobbit: An Unexpected Movie Experience

My friend and co-creator on numerous projects, Don Anderson, is both a crazy guy and a devoted father. When he took his older son to see Peter Jackson’s “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” he decided to go in character. He announced this to me by sending me an IM, accompanied by a picture of him in his costume. Here’s the IM:

By the tomb of Thurin and Arkenstone! I’m chaperoning Jimmy’s 3rd-grade class to the opening of “The Hobbit” on Friday. He doesn’t know I’ve got…the Beard. This should be fun.

And here’s couple of his photographs from the…experience.

Here’s a picture of Don with his son, Jimmy:

An Unexpected Outing, featuring Don Anderson

And here’s a close-up of Don himself (the picture he sent me ahead of time):

Don Anderson, with attitude

Clearly, Don is having way too much fun. But do you wanna be the one to tell him that?

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What Really Happened to the Titanic?

I laughed pretty hard (but with a certain amount of guilt) when I first saw this.

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Your Local Shark Tank

What happens when you mix a strange sense of humor with superior Adobe Photoshop skills? You get things like this awesome picture below:

The picture was created as a joke by Jaime King and is based on a real photo of a flooded shopping concourse in Toronto’s Royal Bank of Canada. Note that integrating new content, such as the sharks, with water effects is one of the hardest things you can do in Photoshop, and he’s done it seamlessly in this picture.

Find out more about King’s effort here.

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